When Rob and I first started to get good with women, it became clear how important using the phone properly is to your success. More often than not, picking up a girl is going to involve calling or sending a text message at some point to set up some sort of date.
I hear guys say all the time, “I can get phone numbers, but they either flake, or don’t respond.” Trust me I understand. I too have been a victim of flakey or unresponsive numbers.
The main reason these numbers flake is because the initial text message, the one that reminds her of what it was like to interact with you, and the one that sets the context for the rest of the text exchange, is conveying harmful things that you are probably not aware of.
The main mistakes that I see occur over and over include:
1. Asking Her What
She Is Doing
Example:“Hey Susie, what’s up?”
Why this sucks: This fails because it is requiring a girl that you barely know to put in effort in order to interact with you. Essentially, it is as if you are asking a stranger to borrow money. This sort of text communicates to her that if she decides to meet up, she will need to put in effort to keep the vibe fun – in which case there is little incentive for her to go out of her way to hang out with you.
2. Asking If
She Is Available
Example:“I thought maybe we could go grab a coffee tomorrow, are you free?
Why this sucks: This type of message illustrates one of the most common mistakes. This is such a silent killer of hook ups that guys probably don’t even realize that they are doing it. Guys think that by asking if a girl is free, they have a better chance of securing the meet up because she doesn’t have other plans, or if she does it will assist in determining the “best” time for her to hang out.
The problem here is that again this message is carrying damaging undertones. I prefer to let girls know what I’m up to and invite them to get involved. If she can’t make it to some cool party or bar to hang out, she will be more likely to suggest an alternate plan that she WILL keep if I haven’t already tried to maneuver through her social calendar already.
3. Not Having
Example:“Hey Nikki thought that we could go to a movie or grab a drink sometime.”
Why this sucks: By not having a plan, you’re fucked. It’s that simple. It is a man’s job to have a plan and carry out that plan like a 5-star general. This doesn’t mean that you cannot be flexible or spontaneous, but you must have some sort of an agenda that leads to you two hooking up in order for it to go down. That means a specific bar or a specific movie – a solid plan to give her confidence that you are the type of man that can plan for things and get things done.
So now that we have covered 3 killers to text message success, here are 3 easy steps to sending a perfect text message every time.
1. Follow The Formula: X+Y=SEX (“I’m Doing X Right Now, Let’s Do Y Later.”)
Example:“Hey Sally, I’m out to brunch with some friends, let’s grab a drink tonight.”
Why this is awesome: This formula conveys your personality from the very first text. It doesn’t matter how cool whatever you’re doing is, it is just important to communicate that you are a guy who does things other than sitting home attempting to lure this girl out somewhere.
Furthermore, it let’s her know the type of things that you do in your free time which will spark interest and have her mind racing of who you are in real life. When you guys meet up she may even ask you questions about whatever it is that you were up to. How much easier could getting a conversation going than having her start it!
2. Delete Uneccessary Words
Example:“Hey Sally, I’m with some friends right now at brunch.Don’t know if you’ve heard of it but let’s grab a drink at the Riotonight.”
Why this is awesome: Don’t say in five words what you can say in one. Brevity is rare these days, and guys are always saying too much to girls to begin with. By being short and to the point it accomplishes several things. Firstly, you are being concise and making the point of your message clear – “let’s hang out.”
Secondly, if you are nervous about meeting up with this girl, actively stripping away the bullshit puts you in the right mindset to meet up with her.
Finally, an interaction should be a two way street. If you tell her everything, there will be nothing for her to ask you about.
3. Force The Response
That You Want
Example:“Hey Sally, I’m out to brunch with some friends, let’s grab a drink tonight. Let me know.”
Why this is awesome: By adding a small phrase at the end of your text that tells her to take some kind of action step improves your chances of a response 200%. Even if she cannot meet up, she will be more likely to suggest a different time that works better for her. Simply add this prompt at the end of a text and watch your results sky rocket.
– Zack Bauer