The sun is setting over the skyline of Miami, the weather is gorgeous, and it’s spring break. Did I mention I’m hanging out on a boat? Not just any boat, a yacht – the type of boat from a rap video. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, custom woodwork, you get the picture. This is the type of boat that when girls see it, well you know what happens…
You guys probably are thinking, “Of course this will get you girls.” But this is no story of glory. This is a cautionary tale of the 5 most common mistakes that men make when trying to pick up girls.
It happened as follows – my friends met some girls at a bar after we left the beach. They made plans to hang out later, and we parted ways. The rest was all downhill.
The girls came to the boat for drinks, my friends spent the whole night sitting on the couch in a group talking to the girls and pouring more drinks. By the next morning the girls had gone and the hangovers had set in.
While on vacation with friends I don’t step in too much, I’d rather watch my friends have fun and potentially witness a good crash and burn. But I laughed to myself thinking that all the mistakes my friends were making were so common, that it was worth turning it into a learning experience.
So here is the list of the 5 most common mistakes that I always see guys make (including my friends), and a few quick fixes to avoid the problem.
1. Failing To Move The Interaction Forward
While it was fine for my friends to have fun in a group and chat it up, it was not OK to let the interaction linger there all night. How could sitting and talking = hooking up? Impossible!
How to fix it: Instead of doing the same thing the whole time, they should have done something different – anything! Point is, if the interaction isn’t moving forward, it will die.
This happens so often to guys whether they realize it or not. Ever wonder why your conversations die out after a minute or so? It is because you are failing to move your interactions forward. Go to the bar, play a drinking game, give a tour of your place (or boat), whatever!
2. Too Much Chatting
Ialways hear guys just chatting with girls. Typical “guy logic” says that if they can just say enough or say the right thing that the girl will decide to sleep with him. Wrong. Fact is the more you talk to her the more chances you have to shoot yourself in the foot. It’s time to learn when to shut up.
How to fix it: Actions speak louder than words. Rather than overly talking her up, or what I like to call “trying to convince her to sleep with you,” show her what its like to be with you.
Give her the experience rather than the conversation. This means DOING fun things…not talking about them. Even if you have no business dating hot girls, this will STILL get you better results than a good looking guy who fails to make a move.
3. Failing To Pull
By not going for the kiss you are blowing the deal. Plain and simple. It sends the wrong message to a girl – that you don’t like her. If you two are hanging out and are into each other it is simply rude to not kiss her. If she is not interested she will let you know.
How to fix it: Guys are so worried about waiting for the right time, or knowing whether or not she is “ready to be kissed.” Let me ask you this – are YOU ready to be kissed? If you are feeling like it, then most likely she is as well. This is because if you aren’t getting along you will be so concerned with fixing the situation, that kissing her will not be on your mind.
So when kissing her does come to mind, it is most likely because it is the appropriate time to kiss and set the sexual context for this relationship. Trust your instinct and just do it.
4. Not Allowing
For Alone Time
Agirl needs to get to know who you are one-on-one to see what it will be like to be with you. Also, girls might feel self-conscious in front of their friends and as a result, she will not allow herself to like you, or to keep an open mind.
How to fix it: My buddies had plenty of opportunities to take their girls by the hand and take them to another part of the boat to check out the scenery, get to know each other, and set up the kiss.
You always have an excuse to be alone, whether it is on a walk, on the dance floor, or at a café. Find time to be alone with her, and get to experience each other on a more real and personal level.
Advanced bonus: Start setting up these one-on-one situations ASAP. That means within the first 5 minutes of meeting a girl and you will see the ridiculous results of your efforts, I promise.
5. Failing To Set
A Sexual Context
If you do not set a sexual context to your interactions, they will not be sexual. It is that simple. If you like a girl, and want to hook up with her, it is NECESSARY to set a context for your relationship that leads to you two hooking up at the end of the night.
How to fix it: The first step is to get it into your head that you and her are going to hook up. a quick fix is to visualize it actually going down. That way there is a greater chance that it plays out that way in the end. But don’t just leave it up to luck.
Everything you do from sharing drinks together, to the things you choose to talk to her about, should be the type of things that you would say to a girl that you are into. If you simply talk to her and treat her how you would treat your friends, that’s all you will ever be – just friends.
– Zack Bauer