You’ve matched with that cute girl on Tinder. Now the real work begins…

Getting her to respond to your first message!

Girls ignore first messages ALL the time…and it’s not always your fault. Maybe she doesn’t check Tinder all that much. Maybe she’s only on Tinder to compare matches with her girlfriends over drinks. Maybe she’s not even a real person!

However, more often than not, getting a woman to respond is very much WITHIN your control. Here are a few of strategies you should keep in mind if you want to guarantee an fast and excited response to your first message…

Tinder is FAST-PACED. If your first message isn’t memorable, there’s very little chance that she’ll give it a second glance, let alone a response.

Most guys open with some variation of “Hey!” or “Whatsup?” By the time she see’s your generic salutation she’s probably scrolled past a dozen or more messages that are a slight variation on the same boring theme.

One way to boldly go where no match has gone before is by complimenting her on something OTHER than her LOOKS. One of my personal favorite compliments: telling women I think their name is cute, hot, sex, or downright interesting.

Her name is one of the most intimate aspects of her identity. Complimenting her on this will help you break through the “first message wall” of lame boring “whatsup?” openers while not making it seem like you’re trying too hard. Example:

“Ariana: Definitely in my top 5 best names ever.”

The name compliment “hooks” her attention more quickly than other openers, builds rapport, and gets her invested in the conversation.

If you can get a woman to genuinely laugh on your first message, she’s going to respond as if it’s a reflex. How could she not? You were able to elicit an emotional and physical response from her, using just your thumbs!

Two styles of humor that seem to work especially well on Tinder are:

1. Self-deprecating humor
2. Reverse gender humor

Self-deprecating humor is calling out something funny about yourself, without making it seem like you’re saying “poor me.” Say, for example, a woman’s profile has a picture of her snowboarding, a self-deprecating opener might be:

“I’d post my snowboarding pics but, you know, I’m terrible… so respect for badass skills, and even more for looking great while doing it.”

Some guys would fear sending a self-deprecating message like this might make them seem “inferior” to a woman, since you’re essentially saying “I suck and you’re badass.”

However, the effect it has on women is just the opposite!

Calling out a damaging admission, such as being a “terrible” snowboarder, demonstrates a very strong sense of self and rock-solid confidence. Think about it: if you’re comfortable enough to poke fun at yourself in a first message, you probably have very few of the insecurities that plague most men.

Moreover, by riffing on a commonality in an unconventional way, you invite an “us-vibe” into the conversation. You make it easy for a woman to enter the conversation in a number of a ways (she might offer to teach you, tease you, or just ask for more information about your snowboarding experience), which the foundation of great interactions on and off Tinder.

Similarly, reverse gender humor is joking about putting yourself—or her—in a role that’s stereotypically associated with the opposite gender. In other words, you place yourself in situations that are traditionally feminine; her in scenarios traditionally masculine.

For example, you’ve probably seen girls who write in their profiles “NOT here for a hookup,” which makes for good reverse gender humor:

“FINALLY a girl on Tinder not just looking for a hookup… I was starting think women on here see guys as little more than juicy pieces of man-candy!”

While this sort of message may be risky to some women (especially ones who are sensitive about the subject), the ones who do appreciate the humor will REALLY appreciate the humor.

In that respect, some reverse gender humor harks back to the first strategy: be bold! After all, you can’t expect to attract ALL the women on Tinder, but the ones you do attract, you want to REALLY attract!

Women love to be challenged. However, there’s an important distinction to make between CHALLENGING and MOCKING her.

It is extremely important to keep the vibe PLAYFUL when challenging her. For example, if a girl has a picture with her dog:

“You run marathons too? Let’s race. And if you beat me, not only will you win my eternal respect, but you can pick where I take you for your celebratory dinner!”

I like this type of challenge because you’re simultaneously challenging her and asking her out. A lot of the time you’ll get back a teasing message, which gets things off on a nice, flirty footing.

If that’s the case, you push a little more with your challenge. But remember: the goal is get a date—always. That’s why, as the conversation progresses, you want the focus more on the dinner than the race.

If there’s something in her profile about movies, music, or literature, another good option is to playfully “require” a date with her:

“I have a rule that if I meet a girl who likes Quentin Tarantino movies I have to offer to take her out for drinks. ”

This works well because you’re seeding logistics (the drinks) while establishing commonalities (Tarantino movies). It also works as a sneaky way to circumvent the standard “interview-style” set of questions. By hitting the ground running, and complimenting her on something about her that you really like, you get a quick and emotional response right out of the gate!

When it comes to information in a girl’s profile, there’s a fine line between NOTICING and OBSESSING.

If she says something in her bio about how she “loves wearing dresses and feeling sexy,” this is a GOLDEN opportunity to show your wit and confidence through reverse gender humor.

However, avoid commenting on the specifics of pictures beyond her main profile pic, or really on any detail that isn’t obvious from a quick glance at her profile.

For example, don’t open with a message about how the color of the dress she’s wearing in her fourth picture matches her eyes. When it comes to first messages, noticing or remembering tiny details isn’t considered cute or attractive—it’s creepy!

Overly detailed compliments when first interacting with a girl will NOT come off in an attractive way.

The typical opening Tinder message is boring, over-used, and unemotional. Your job is to send a message that’s interesting, unique, and creates an emotional response.

Adding some intrigue and mystery to your message will pique her curiosity—these are not qualities she’s used to experiencing with most guys—especially guys on Tinder.

Even if she was only mildly interested when she swiped right, just a small amount of curiosity will get her responding and investing in you and, before she even realizes it, she really likes you.

One good way to do this is to open with a “grey fact.” This means giving her a piece of information about yourself, but remaining vague enough that what you’re saying could have multiple meanings:

“Haha if you like beer we’ll get along… just be forewarned: if I drink Corona, the night could turn hilariously wild (just ask Mexico!)”

This “grey fact” leaves her wondering: what happened in Mexico? It makes it easy for her to ask, tease, or wonder about the open-loop you created by adding a shade of grey to your opening message!